Testimony
This is my story. It took me years - years of counseling, years of prayer, years of emotional support from my family for me to get to a place of self forgiveness. Do I feel it 24/7? No. Sometimes I get a reminder of that child lost and I feel guilt and shame again. For me, it is a journey. A journey of self-awareness. Recognizing my feelings. I now understand that for me, I will forever remember my child. I want to. Of course, I will always feel that loss. There will be reminders that will stir my emotions - that is OK too. At those times, it is important to allow myself to cry, take a walk, and take some “me-time” to feel whatever is in my heart.
It is easier for me now because I am in my forties. It was over 10 years ago that I had an abortion. For me, my faith means so much. At first, I had a hard time expecting forgiveness from God. I knew what the bible said. I prayed a lot. It took Christian counseling for me to accept that forgiveness.
Self Forgiveness. That took a lot longer. Even after I realize I was forgiven by God, I still had a hard time forgiving myself. The acceptance and emotional support from my husband really helped me accept myself, my decision. It took time. It took more counseling. It took more mental ‘processing’ of my actions. Not rationalizing them or excusing them but accepting them.
I am now happily married with a beautiful 7 yr. old boy. God is good. He Forgives. He blesses us, even when we may not feel we deserve it. I know.