Abortion Stories

I never thought I would get an abortion. I felt so alone during the 4 and a half months that I was pregnant. I was scared and alone and I never got the support I needed. My boyfriend and I had been broken up when I found out I was pregnant. The first thing he told me was "It's ok we can get this pill.." WHAT? That's not what I want to hear. I want you to tell me you love me and everything is going to be ok. And we're going to get jobs and a place together and live happily ever after. I felt so alone, I confided in ONE friend who ended up telling everybody around me. I had no one. I finally mustered up the courage to tell my Mom because I wanted to keep the baby and I needed some support. To my surprise, my Mother who was always anti-abortion, asked me if I had conisdered the alternative. She was trying to be supportive but I know she didn't want me to have it either. I finally caved in and got an abortion. Today was the due date and I have not left my house in a month. I cannot sleep (It's about 4:30 AM right now). And more than anything I regret my selfish act. Its hard for me to deal with the empty feeling inside my stomach, and in my heart. I was the one and only person who was to protect him (I had a feeling it was a boy). It took me 4 and a half months to make my decision and I made the wrong one. Not a day goes by that I don't wish I had done things differently. I miss my sweet baby boy more than anything. The only thing that gets me through each painful day is that I know my precious angel is with his Grandpa in Heaven. God is holding him until I am ready to bring him into the world one day. I honestly believe that my baby is looking down on me and will come back to me. I don't want to think of it as a loss, so I will see you soon baby! I hope someday you will understand how much you are loved and missed. I wish someone had been there to tell me not to go through with it, I just hope that the next young mother who's considering the alternative will think long and hard about what they are doing and the life of pain that comes with it.

My decision was made in an irrational moment of fear. I had just moved from California to Florida to be with my boyfriend of only two months. I was 23, living a directionless life, living for the moment, and not considering the consequences. I remember crying for hours in the bathroom when I read the test. In the midst of my panic, against my boyfriends desire to keep the child, and 3000 miles from any family and friends, I decided to have the procedure done in the pill form. I cannot fathom that I was so selfish. I'd always wanted to be a mother, I still dont understand what came over me. The physical pain was severe enough to keep me in bed for days, but the emotional pain that has since washed over me is monumentally worse. I have since moved back to California, seeking a sense of stability, trying to figure out who I am, and praying for forgiveness... I never thought that I could be so numb to life as I was. Looking back, I realize that I cheated the man who loved me out of a family, I cheated myself out of a precious gift from God, cheated my future child out of a life... all for my selfish desire to be "ready" for a child. I have been experiencing a mountain of guilt since the procedure, but all that I can do is ask for God's forgiveness, pray for direction in my own life, and ask that God bless the wonderful man who stood by my side with a beautiful family and children of his own one day. Dear Lord, please forgive me... this guilt is more than I can bear.

I am trying to talk about this as much as I can. My mom says I have to forgive myself. Which is hard. I had an abortion 4 days ago. Medication abortion. I can't sleep, and I don't eat very much. I have had thoughts that I can't live with myself so I may end my life. I've thought, Why should I live anyway, when the only person in this world whom I was to protect, I destroyed? I couldn't afford to go to the doctor early on so I had been waiting for Medicaid, which still hasn't got here. So when I went to the abortion clinic. That was the first time I had an ultrasound. She adked me "Do you want to see your sonogram?", and I answered "No". She asked me twice, and I answered no both times. I couldn't bring myself to look at it. Now I wish I would have. Maybe seeing my childs newly formed heart beating would've changed my mind. But I was so, so selfish. Only trying to get rid of this 'thing" that this guy had implanted in me. This guy that has made an entire 180 degree change since learning the news. In the beginning he wanted me to get an abortion. I told him no. That it was my baby, and it was a living thing. but I gave in...Pleas, don't give in on your baby. You are the only voice it has. He is helpless, and my baby was. The womb that was supposed to be his dark, warm home. Had turned into his prison. because there was no escaping what was to come for him. My sweet precious baby. I will always love you, and please know form the bottom of my heart. Killing you was the worse decision I could ever make in my life, please forgive me for not standing up for you. For being so selfish, and cold. I would do anything on this green earth to bring you back. But I cannot, and I must live with that every single minute of every hour of every day that I live, forever. i'm sorry.